Tough Love for the Ladies...

*Disclaimer from author:

 Though I find my findings to be founded and finely factual- the following is totally my opinion and based in absolutely no science or research whatsoever.

 - Ise Lyfe

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In fairness, I’ll start with a common lame and sometimes frightening, totally uncool thing men do:

Many ladies out there have the story of hanging out with a dude who at some point gets it in his head (and pants) that him and you are having sex. When you are not interested in having sex with him at that moment or at any moment, he becomes flabbergasted! He’s irritated and his attitude quickly goes from being so into you and wanting you, to some variation of “Well fuck you then”, “You’re playing games” “You ain’t all that anyway”, etc.

You know why this dude thinks he should get to have sex with you..? Because he has an erection! That’s it! His lame ass thinks that just because he has a feeling in his pants you should be with it and oblige. His desire is absolutely selfish and centered around this plan he concocted in his mind without your input.  

Also, he has no analysis of himself. He might be sitting there with a small unsavory penis or a lame stroke. Men have this crazy entitlement complex when it comes to sex. Macho man! No dude is walking around going, “Excuse me, I have no charisma, and a small penis, can we go out?” No. It’s “I’m King Dingaling so bust it open for a real G!”

He might live at home with his mom and he’s trying to get you to have sex with him on a little ass bunk bed. Nonetheless, in his mind- he has an erection and you should lay back on his Ninja Turtle bead spread and give it up!

 This is lame and ridiculous, of course.

 So looking through this critical lens upon wack expectations and no self-analysis, let us ponder the single ladies of the world. All the single ladies/All the single ladies…

Most women who are single and searching for a man feel like they deserve one. Women who are with a man but not happy with that man feel like they deserve a better man. A man that is nice! A man that is attractive! Sexy! Driven! Educated! Employed! Maybe rich. Hell, maybe even famous!

You know why this woman feels like she should have a man that is nice, attractive, sexy, driven, educated, employed, and maybe even rich and famous? Because she wants one! That’s it! Not that different from the entitlement the man with the erection has- she feels like just because her heart is in her hand a man should want it, just as the man obscenely feels that because his penis in his hand he should get sex.

But the woman should ask herself: “What do I have to offer a man? What type of partner would I be?”

I constantly hear, see, and read on the internet women’s tirades and exclamations about finding a man. Magazine’s and banter filled mid day talk shows rifle off list like “Top 10 things to attract a man”, “What men want”, “Do’s and don’ts of dating”, etc. If it isn’t working out you can then refer to “Why men cheat”, “Why men are afraid of commitment”, or some one sided angry woman narrative about how men are all dogs and liars to make you feel better about someone not wanting to be with you.

But here’s another possibility…

Maybe you’re wack. This isn’t a permanent condemnation, but maybe in this particular moment you’re just at a wack non-desirable stage in your life. And if the man you’re currently with or a number of men in your past have been wack, well… you picked them! So what does that say about you? Are you just a loving phenomenal woman that got caught up over and over again with wack men? Possibly. But there’s a good chance you’ve been with wack men cause youuuuuu’re wack!

Right now somewhere in America  (Molly is still twerkin’) a man is walking into a club. Maybe he’s a professional athlete, accountant, CEO, or boss of sorts. He practiced a sport his whole life to go pro. He went to college and graduated top of his class due to extreme discipline and studying. Or he became a CEO being innovative and driven.

There’s a woman in that club looking at that man thinking, “I should have him. He should be with me.” She works at Applebee’s, has horrible communication skills, and dropped out of junior college to be a “model” but that isn’t working out so much. Nonetheless, in her mind- a man should want to be with her.

What makes it just an automatic given that a man should be with you? Because you’re fine? Your looks aren’t even your fault! Your mother + your father = you. All you did was be born.

Wait a minute… Is it because of your poosay?! Maaaaaaan, fook yo poosaaaaaaay! That doesn’t deem you boo-able!

Ladies, you should ask yourself some key questions before feeling entitled to a relationship:

Do I have a fucked up attitude?

Do you go through consistent or rhythmic moments of being a total stank ass? If so, no man should be subjected to being in a relationship with you. No man wants to be around some mopey ass woman always complaining about him, her life, or what she doesn’t have.

Is my body unhealthy and unattractive?

I know this is a harsh one, but its real. Run a lap and stop eating bacon. Not for a man but for yourself! A woman that is healthy or at least striving to be is radiant and attractive.

(Especially for women looking to be married) Do I have bad credit?

Look, in an economy and consumer droning society like ours- bad credit happens to the best of us. But this is something anyone looking for a long term commitment should be working on as to not assume your debt weight on others. 

Do I know things?

Do you read books or do you just read Facebook post and magazines? Cause after the poosay and good looks get old, you’re gonna want some substance to fall back on.

Am I capable of communicating?

Yelling, complaining, and giving silent treatments are not forms of communicating. If you are incapable of having a sound conversation and expressing what you’re feeling- in other words: if you have the emotional maturity of a toddler- you are not ready to be in a relationship.

Am I helpful?

Do you bring solutions to a situation, or are you constantly focusing on the problem?

Is my house messy?

This may seem silly, but I decided to leave it in here. All that “come visit me”, “we should just spend quality time together at home” stuff is sweet and all, but if he comes over is it an indoor jungle gym over there all the time?

Am I willing to share leadership in my relationship with a man?

We live amongst a lot of new agey theory around gender politics. Some of it I align with- but this whole idea of “gender is a construct” is a tricky one. Yes, certain character roles being assigned based on one’s gender is total malarkey and constructed mostly to the detriment of women. However, put down your college class and incense for a second and walk with me… Women are often purporting (rightfully) what womanhood is and demanding that men acknowledge the essence and attributes of their womanhood. Fair, fair. But just as a man has to support (not allow/let) a woman being a woman, women have to support men being men in their relationships. Hold your college course breaks! I’m not saying let a man be sexist, abusive, or chauvinistic. That isn’t manhood, that’s sexism, abuse and chauvinism. I’m saying a man needs to feel necessary, powerful, and influential in the leadership of his relationship. He wants to be a hero, and that is ok within balance and reason. 

You are wonderful. You deserve a perfect and healthy relationship that will facilitate growth and allow you and your partner to thrive. I just think us all, women and men alike, will reach our love and romance goals in a much healthier (and faster way) if we do a little self reflection as we embark.